A Letter to Me

I'm from here.

Dear Me,

I've been meaning to write for a while now, but honestly I've just been too busy. I know that's not really an excuse, but it's the truth. So now that I have a few spare minutes (I don't really, I'm just procrastinating on this paper... you know how that is), I thought I'd finally give you the attention you deserve, but haven't been getting. 

I'll cut the small talk. I know how you've been, I know what you've been up to, I know how school is, and how your friends are doing. 

I know you've been happier recently than you have been in a really long time. Whether it's due to proving to yourself you are talented, smart, and capable of achieving your dreams one step at a time, or whether you have surrounded yourself with loving friends--  neither of us really know the cause, but all that matters is that you are--  you are happy. Perhaps it could be due to the fact that you finally let go of so many cares that were holding you and your relationship with someone you love dearly captive. That's never healthy. Your happiness surely is a direct result of seeing all of those in your life happy too -- chasing dreams, achieving their own goals, and finding true love -- in another, in a puppy, in themselves. 

Don't worry, you don't have to pretend for me, I know you've gone through some trying times. Quite honestly, I know you still are. But that's okay. It's normal. In fact, I'd be worried if you weren't. Times like these build you, shape you, and make you even stronger. Look back at everything that (seemingly) crumbled in your life or the times where you really felt like putting one foot in front of the other was an insurmountable task -- what came of those moments? Strength. Hope. A perseverance to find what truly  makes you happy. The first key to that though is being able to forgive yourself. Not only forgive yourself, but to laugh. Laugh at how ridiculous you looked, laugh at how heart-broken you were (a really strange thing to do, but SO freeing!), and laugh at how amazing it is that time can heal you. 

Once you're done laughing at yourself take a moment and realize every single individual hand and heart that was extended to you. Realize the people who rode down each and every pot hole-infested, speed bump-filled, and abruptly dead-ending road with you. Now hug them and don't ever let go. Those people, those sweet, sweet people are the ones who genuinely love you. Even after  numerous door-slamming nights, silently awkward dinners, and harsh word slinging -- they still love you. And won't ever stop. 

While you're on the roll of forgiving yourself, lean to the left (I know there's a mirror there-- it's convenient when you're writing to yourself, you know things others wouldn't!), look in that mirror, and say, "It's okay you're not a size 0." No, no... say, "Thank God you're not a size 0!" Because you know what, if you were a size 0, you'd be unhealthy. You would be sick. Your body is not made to be a size 0. Some may be and that's perfectly fine. Good for them. But guess what? Even a size 0 has times when they feel down, they feel unhappy with their appearance. Their nose looks too big, their eyes seem too far apart, and their mouth is uselessly small.

So now let's think about it this way. Do you have two arms, two legs, two eyes, a nose, and two ears? Yes? Good. And they all work right? What's that? They work perfectly? They can do amazing things like running, walking, lifting, seeing, smelling, and hearing? They allow you to do virtually whatever you set your mind to? Wow, that's pretty lucky. You're lucky. Take a deep breath. That worked too right? You felt the air rush to your lungs, making you feel even more alive. And that warmth you feel on your skin -- that's because your heart is beating. It's so good to be alive. Healthy and alive. 

But don't think you've fooled me. I know you'll still scrutinize your thighs, arms, stomach, and butt every time you look in that mirror, pass a reflective surface, or look at pictures. I know that, because I'm you, but because I'm you I also know that what you look like does not indicate how much you are worth or how much others value you -- and it shouldn't indicate how much you love yourself. You don't like something? Change it. But do it because you love yourself, not because you love what others think of your appearance more.

Stop cursing. That's all I have to say about that. You're not a trucker.

Just be thankful. You have SO much to be thankful for. You truly are blessed. And you know what? I kinda, sorta really love who you are -- flaws and all.

Now seriously, go write your paper. Seriously. (Fine, you can have a 15 minute Pinterest break, but then GO. WRITE. IT.) You're really persuasive.

Love,

You

xoxo